Skydive

Exaltation. Terror. Exaltation. Terror. The feelings cycle through my body and mind as I wait. They have been since this crazy idea came into my head. Now, it’s time. I’ve signed all the waivers releasing everyone from responsibility if I should die today. I could die today. Okay…bad train of thought. I’ve watched the video, now I wait. I wait for one man. The man whom I trust enough for this. The man to whom I will be strapped when I take my first leap out of an airplane.

As he rounds the corner of the hangar, jumpsuit in hand, my heart begins to race. Hand in hand with his wife, who throws me a bright smile and showing me she too has a jumpsuit, and surround by his four children, he looks calm. Of course he looks calm. He has over 2,000 jumps behind him. As he approaches me, his eyes dance with the excitement he sees in mine, and a smile touches his lips.

"Let’s get you geared up!" Those words echo through my mind as I follow him to the back of the hangar. The team is preparing an exhibition jump and I step carefully between their brightly colored, matching parachutes and rigs. They smile at me as I go by, all of them wondering if I’m actually going to do it.

He fits me into a teal green jumpsuit that molds to my body like a glove. I step, left foot first, into a harness. I stand, shaking, as he walks in circles around me, with his wife, checking all my straps. My ears rush with static. Second thoughts flood my mind like poison and I swallow it all down, hoping it won’t kill me. I feel him press a leather cap into my hands with goggles attached to it. Somehow, it feels to late to go back now.

My jumpmaster explains how I will arch into his body to make us fly as one. We walk towards the plane. He searches my face for signs of doubt. He sees the fear. His wife smiles at me and laughs as I try to smile back. We step into the plane and I settle between them. All the way up they talk and reassure me, but my mind is focused on a number. Thirteen thousand feet. That’s how high we are going. I will jump out at thirteen thousand feet.

As we reach altitude, I pull on my goggles and cap and slide into my jumpmaster’s lap. He snaps me in and tightens our straps with a smile. We stand up as one and face the door. I watch four other people g into the blue before me. We walk up to the door.

"1…2…Go!" I hear in my ear. We jump as one. I arch into him as my stomach meets my heart on it’s way to my throat. Then I look down.

The air holds me up and the feeling that floods through my awareness is completely free. I smile and scream and suddenly I am alone up there. The feeling from the straps is gone, I am at peace. Then reality returns and I smile at his wife as she joins us in the void. The air feels like a cushion and the wind whips by so fast I can hardly feel it. We turn 360 degrees with his wife holding on to us. I know they are there, but this experience is mine.

Suddenly I know why the birds sing. The fall lasted only a minute. It filled a lifetime. 50 seconds of freefall.

He taps my shoulder and I pull in tight again. I feel us stand up as the parachute opens. We drift.

I land with a feeling like no other I have ever experienced before. I hugged people, I smiled, but mostly, I longed to fly. Now, every day, I long to fly.